Note: The Mexican has been deported from his job at OC Weekly because he didn’t want to lay off half his staff, so we’re rerunning his column from last week. But, like any good Mexican, he’ll return next week with some news. In the meanwhile, enjoy a bacanora for him, porfas!
Q. Dear Mexican: I’m very bothered by the fact that Tom Flores is not in the Hall of Fame. I could go on and on as to why Mr. Flores should be in the Hall of Fame but I will provide you and your readers with only three incontrovertible facts. First, Tom Flores coached the Raiders for nine seasons and won two Super Bowls. John Madden coached the Raiders for 10 seasons and won 1 Super Bowl. (John Madden is in the Hall of Fame.) Next, Tom Flores is the only person to win a Super Bowl as a quarterback, an assistant coach and as a head coach. Oh, BTW, he won the Super Bowl twice as a head coach. Lastly, Tom made it from a small town in the San Joaquin Valley. He never had any alcohol, drug or womanizing problems. He is a role model for all people in our country.
My question for you is this: Let’s say that Tom Flores was not your Tío Tomás but rather your Uncle Tom. Do you think that he would have already been voted into the NFL Hall of Fame? I have heard through the grapevine that there is occasionally a bias against Latino excellence. (I’m being sarcastic here.) I realize that the Tío Tomás/Uncle Tom line may be a bit controversial, even for you. Feel free to change this as you wish. Here are some ideas. Let’s say that Tom Flores was African-American, Asian, or Caucasian...Let’s say that Tom Flores was not Mr. Flores, but Mr. Flowers... I like the original line better but I am aware of the times in which we live. I’m looking forward to your response.
- Raider/Nader/Vader Fan
Dear Pocho: Man, you were funny with your Tío Tomás/Uncle Tom line, then became unfunny when you tried to explain it, then became straight CHAVALA when you tried to take it back because you’re afraid of PC p*nd*j*s. F*ck them! Your idiocies aside, it’s not racism that keeps Tom Flores out of the Hall of Fame; it’s his lack of bona fides. Sure, he won two Super Bowls in nine seasons—but George Seifert won two in six seasons with the San Francisco 49ers, and he’s not going in. The only other person besides Flores to win a Super Bowl as a player, assistant coach and head coach was Mike Ditka—but he got in as one of the greatest tight ends in history, not for his coaching career. And while Flores is an inspiring story, then that means Brian Piccolo should be in—and he’s not going in.
Don’t get me wrong—it would be awesome to have Flores in the Hall, as he’d be just the third Latino in there after the half-Mexi Tom Fears and full Chicano (with bad rodillas) Anthony Muñoz. But Flores is a lost cause, just like his quarterback, Jim Plunkett, another Mexican who isn’t going into the Hall of Fame despite two Super Bowl victories. Unfair? Tell that to Peyton and Eli Manning.
Ask the Mexican at firstname.lastname@example.org, be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!